An Update

Often people will ask how we are doing or how things are going.  I thought I'd take a minute and do a quick update. 
     Stetson -
          Stetson 18 and is in Moscow attending University of Idaho.  He has been there just a month and a half.  He came down last weekend for a wedding and it was good to see he and Amanda (his girlfriend).  It's fun to see him growing up and kind of scary to have him out on his own.  I'm excited for this chapter in his life though, and hope he enjoys as many moments of it as he can.  It would be nice if he was closer though so we could enjoy more of those moments with him.  He will be home at Christmas but I'm not sure about Thanksgiving - its a long drive.
     Justin -
          Justin is almost 17 and is a Junior in High School this year - crazy that before long he'll be off in the world like Stetson.  He of course will be wrestling later on this year but has recently been playing Soccer. was fun to go and watch him a couple of weeks ago.  We don't get to see as much of Justin as we would like but it's fun when he does come down.  A week or so ago he brought a cute girl to dinner and it was fun to see his aunts and uncles pick on him a little bit. I'm not sure either Stetson or Justin know how much we enjoy it when they come to visit.
     Cassidy -
          Cassidy is getting close to 15 and likes to remind me that next year she will be 16.  She is a Freshman in high school and seems to really be enjoying it although she claims to not like weight training.  Its been fun this week to see her dress up each day for homecoming week and see how cute she can be even on ugly day!  She is growing up faster then I would like her too but it is fun to have a grown up daughter.
     Hayden -
          Hayden is 13 and is in the 8th grade.  Like Justin we don't seem him nearly as often as we would prefer.  I absolutely loved it when Hayden lived at our house.  As crazy as it may sound (and somedays it really was crazy) I loved sitting at the dining room table and working on homework with Hayden.  I love the way his mind works and its fun to listen to him tell details about what he learned at school.  I gained alot of respect for him while watching him read with dyslexia - he acts like it isn't even a challenge, I would probably have given up a long time ago.
     Ammon -
          Ammon is also 13 and in the 7th grade. Crazy that he is in junior high.  Ammon has never really been one to love school but one thing I know he likes is not having to worry about spelling tests this year.  It's been funny to hear his voice change recently and he even has a little bit of hair on his upper lip - don't worry he's not about to shave it off.  It's strange to see my little boy becoming a man but I am excited to see the man he will become.  I am glad you only have to be a teenager once though because I don't think you could pay me enough to do it again.
     Treyton -
           Treyton is 121/2 and also in the 7th grade.  Treyton lives with his mom in Ucon and like the other boys we see way less of him then we would like.  I don't think any of those boys have any idea how much their dad misses them and wants to have them visit.  Last year Treyton, Hayden, and Savannah took dance.  It was amazing to see the talent that he has in this area.  Singing is another talent that Treyton has and he does it often without even thinking about it.  It will be fun to see him do things with these talents - I can easily see him in drama or something like that. 
     Rachel -
          Rachel just turned 11 about a week ago and is in 5th grade.  Scary that she will be in Young Women's next year.  As she has since I can remember Rachel loves animals.  She got a ant farm for her birthday this year and is excited to see them tunnel and things like that.  Rachel has always loved school and enjoys learning.  Its been fun to see her growing and maturing the last few months and although I sometimes wish they could stay little forever.  We had a little birthday party for Rachel and each one that came said something they liked about her.  I was impressed when they all said similar things about her being nice to everyone and everyone's friend - this is a talent that she has always had and one I hope she will always keep.
     Savannah -
          Savannah is 10 and is also in the 5th grade.  We get to have Savannah live with us this year and that has been really great.  She is in the same grade as Rachel but they aren't in the same class. I've been amazed at how different their homework has been.  It has been really fun to have Savannah in our home on a regular basis and be able to get to know her even better.  I have fallen in love with each of my step-children and Savannah is no different.  She has a fun personality and is about as boycrazy a 10 year old as I have ever seen.  He dad has promised that if she makes it through high school without being he kissed he will take her to Hawaii (sure hope i get to come too!)
      Kerri -
          Kerri is 8 and in the 2nd grade.  She was baptized this past month and it was fun to see her so excited about it.  She asked if Dr. Hopkin could baptize her and although he certainly wasn't the first person i thought she would ask it was sweet.  Kerri also enjoys school and I love having her read to me.  I love to read and its been awesome to see each of my children learn to read- although not all of them love it as much as me.  Ever since our accident Kerri has been extra affectionate, I can't get out of the house with out several kisses and hugs from her.  As I tell her often she is my favorite Kerri in the whole world. 
     Barry and I -
          I would say that Barry and I are doing pretty well.  We each have our good and bad days.  I can definitely see progress in both of us.  There are days when I think if anyone had told me in the hospital that this far out I would still have days when i wanted to cry from pain i would have been severely depressed.  Its a struggle for me to watch Barry struggle.  Being on his feet for extended periods is not easy for him and often causes him great pain.  It saddens me to see this man who has some much talent with balance and sports have to simply watch from the sidelines. His right ankle bothers him the most (the one with the compound fracture) and causes him a lot of pain on a daily basis.  He hides it pretty well most of the time and I think because of this people assume he is completely healed.  I hope this happens in time but for now just realize he is trying to be strong for all of us and rarely has a night where he can simply sleep - pain keeps him awake.  We are both aware however of how things could have, should have, might have been and are extremely mindful of the blessings we have been given.  Each time I see him shuffle across the floor - especially on bad days - I remind myself how blessed we are that he even has a foot to stand on.  His left foot (shattered heel) also bothers him but as I have said for the most part he just carries on and does what needs to be done.  It has been nice to have him home with the kids and I think for the most part (chores and stuff aren't as fun when a parent is there to insist you do it right) they have also enjoyed having him available more.  As most everyone knows Barry lost his job out at the site as a result of the accident so he hasn't been able to work since last November.  That's a long time for a man especially one as active as Barry to be at home.  He has started a couple of projects to keep himself busy.  One is a set of log dressers (he does beautiful work) and will be selling them when he is done - so if anyone knows anyone who is interested in amazing log furniture let us know.  Barry has also been accepted at BYU-I and will be attending full-time starting in January.  Just this past week however he started two online classes to help get him into the swing of things.  He is a little (ok alot) anxious about school and worries about his ability to do all that is required in college.  He doesn't see how amazing he is though and although I know it won't be easy I also know that he is fully capable and I can't wait to see his success. 
         I returned to work a few months ago and am currently working about 31/2 days of the week.  It seems my body is not quite ready for full-time yet. I still have quite a lot of pain in each area that was broken but like I said I see alot of progress and have faith that we will see even more.  I have gained a great deal of empathy for my patients who deal with chronic pain and know that this experience will work for my good in my job as a nurse.  I love my job and have enjoyed being with my patients and coworkers again - although I must admit there are days when i am downright jealous that Barry gets to stay at home and then i remember that its the same for him - he would love for me to be the one staying at home and him working. 
        As well as things are going I one of the struggles we have is finances.  Going from two good paying jobs to only one that isn't quite full-time has definitely made a strain on our budget.  We have been so grateful for the money donated to us by the community and have been using that fund to make ends meet each month.  We know it won't last forever and try to have faith instead of fear of the future of our finances.  There are days when I just remind myself that it is in the Lord's hands and leave it at that.  We have been so blessed during this trial and daily I am reminded that there are so many harder trials that we could be experiencing.  We have been granted miracles and so we don't desire to complain.  We are thankful for each prayer that is offered in our behalf and know that the faith of others is often what keeps us going. 

Bringing Back the Kids

Of course Barry always wantd to run the camera but here are most of us getting ready for our hike.

Kerri playing at the top

Working our way - myself a little extra slow

Not sure what he was saying at this point but hey we made it!

We made it all the way to the top!!!

Ammon running around - he climbed up and down about 4 times while we were still hiking

Cassidy waiting for us - in typical teenager style she thought the whole thing was kind of dumb - but still humored us and hiked to the top too.

Girls waiting for us - after they walked and rand and climbed all over for quite a while

Kerri and Rachel following Ammon down the "hard way"

What a beautiful place - and worth the hike!

This July when we got the kids back from their Dad's house we made a trip down to Albuquerque to pick them up.  We stopped at an arch in Moab Utah that was about a half a mile from the road.  It was a nice break from driving and what made it even nicer was it had just stopped rainning there (we hadn't seen any rain however) and so it wasn't super dusty.  At first I thought we'd just send the kids up and Barry and I would watch them from the car but then I realized that I really wanted to make the hike myself.  I wasn't sure in the beginning if I could make it.  Some areas were quite steep.  For both Barry and I and incline or slope is still hard to walk up or down.  Barry showed me that if I walk backwards or sideways it is easier.  I'm sure we looked a little silly but it worked.  It was so fun to make it to the top.  The kids climbed up and down and all over while the waited for Barry and I to make it but in the end we did make it.  It felt like an accomplishment.  I'm glad i didn't just wait in the car.  We can do hard things!

Overcoming my Fears

     While I was on the rehab floor at the hospital I was supposed to learn all sorts of things.  Things like getting myself dressed again or getting myself into or out of the tub.  I had to learn how to get into and out of the bath and all sorts of things like that.  One day as I struggled to learn to stand on one leg and swivel myself out of the bed and into my wheelchair the therapist commented that by biggest holdup was my fear of falling.  I said yeah because I think it would really hurt to fall.  I had imagined falling on my already broken body and feared what that might feel like.  I don't have any memory of the time during and after the accident.  Even though I was awake and aware enough to talk to those surrounding me and things like that I can't remember it.  I would imagine however that much of that time before surgery was quite painful.  Before the accident I had never broken a bone and thought of what that might feel like - I don't like pain.  I don't like hurting.  I don't want to cause myself pain.  So yes falling was a fear.  The therapists told me this was something I needed to overcome.  They said in all likely hood I would indeed fall at some point and I needed to know that I could take care of things if it happened.  In fact one day we spent over an hour working on that very thing.  They decided it would help if I knew what to do after I fell so they decided to let me learn to get myself up off the floor.  My therapist lowered me carefully to the floor - even carefully it was pretty painful. And then said figure out how to get up.  Keep in mind that my left leg was broken - 3 places in the pelvis, broken knee, broken tibia and fibula, and a broken ankle.  I had pins and plates and screws throughout my entire leg, including 8 screws in my knee alone.  I had a large brace holding my leg in position that went from my thigh to my ankle.  I had also broken my right femur and although it was supposed to be my strong leg I had recently learned that the reason I was unable to bear weight on it was because all the bones in my knee were very bruised and actually as painful as anything else - in fact I still have quite a bit of pain in that right knee.  Anyway to say the least attempting to get up off that floor was intimidating and painful.  We were out in the sitting area of the rehab floor.  So many people walked by and most stopped to watch for a few minutes and comment on what might or might not help.  Even the pain team came up (like 6 people) and talked to me about what I should try next.  It was a little bit unnerving to feel like you had to perform and live up to the expectations of all these people.
     At the risk of disappointing any of those people who may read this blog I was unable after more then an hour to get myself up off the floor.  I tried - and believe me I tried but was simply incapable of getting myself up.  I did figure out how to get across the floor - albeit slowly. I put my right leg over my left and used the plastic brace to slide across the floor.  The therapist commented that he had never seen anyone do that.  We tried and retried pulling myself up on the couch, the chair, the wheelchair, and even the end tables but to no avail.  I was so tired.  Eventually they sort of laughed and suggested that I keep my cellphone with me for if I fell at home.  Because of the nerve damage to my left leg and foot it is difficult to lift my foot correctly.  Which is actually better then it was when I first came home - at that point it might as well have been nailed to the floor. I can now lift it about 11/2 - 2 inches off the floor but don't have a whole lot of strength in that leg.  And really no strength at all in that foot.  I have a brace that I am supposed to wear which helps keep me from scuffing and tripping over my toes.  It slows me down though and I'm sure there is even some pride involved in not wearing it.  I have tripped over my toes on countless occasions - but haven't fallen.  Not long after we got out of our wheelchairs - that first week I think.  I was walking across the living room floor and tripped either on something left on the floor or my own foot I'm not sure.  You know that feeling when you trip and you do sort of a hoppy dance trying to to fall?  Well I was there and it scared me so so bad.  My heart was beating so hard.  A few hours later when Barry came home I started crying as I told him about it and my heart felt as if I was reliving that fear of falling.  I was surprised to realize how truly afraid of falling I really was.  Well like I said I have tripped numerous times and have learned to pay attention to walking - to be aware of my feet and what they are doing.  This is not generally a part of a persons day.  I think once we learn to walk its sort of like learning to drive a stick shift and at some point the movements become automatic and you just don't think about them anymore.  I have gotten pretty good at multi tasking and can pay attention to my walking while still carrying on as if I wasn't.
     Until today apparently.  I was in a hurry at work and was talking to my manager when I turned around to scurry down the hall and quickly found myself on my hands and knees on the floor.  It happened so fast I didn't even have time to think about it or stop myself.  It hurt my knees but mostly it scared me so much.  My heart was beating full speed and I could feel my eyes welling up with tears.  Like I said it did hurt, quite a bit actually and I could feel the inflammation and swelling all day but more then the physical pain was the fear.  I had actually fallen.  I'm not sure why I was so embarrassed everyone was so nice and my manager was super quick to help me up.  Everyone was asking if I was ok but I really just wanted to be by myself and not think about it.  After a while i was glad that that first time was over.  Now I don't have to be afraid.  Although I did have help getting up I have learned to get myself up off the floor.  I usually need to be close to something and use it to pull myself up and it is super awkward and way harder then I think it should be but I can do it.  So maybe I won't have to worry about it so much now.  I have fallen and I got up and I survived.  I was thinking that I have lots of fears that I need to overcome.  I have overcome other fears in my life.  Fear of divorce and being on my own, fear of returning to school, fear of getting remarried.  Fear of not doing well at my job fear at not being good enough - at anything.  But there are still so many. I have always been afraid.  Barry has helped me overcome many of my fears and taught me that a little bit of fear sometimes makes things more fun.  I love white water rafting but it scares the daylights out of me and I love it.  Maybe this will help me continue to learn to overcome my fears and be willing to try new things because so far I have survived everything I've tried!

Kerri Gets Baptized

Kerri and Grandma Rice - with the cute dress Grandma made her.

Kerri and Dr. Hopkin - just before baptism

Kerri and most of the men who helped confirm her - one or two had already snuck off!

Kerri and Barry

Kerri and me!!

Kerri Lois Rice turned 8 years old on May 21st.   She was baptized on the first Saturday of August.  I am so glad for this blessing.  I am so glad she is on the right path to eternity.  I love the blessings of baptism and have been thinking of them since this wonderful event.   I am grateful for the promises we are allowed to make at baptism and even more thankful for the promises made to us.  I pray that I can live worthy of the promises God makes to us. 

A New Calling

This morning I got a call asking me to meet with the bishop for just a few minutes before church.  I agreed and went to his office.  He has been periodically checking up on Barry and I and part of me assumed that this is what the meeting would be about.  In my heart though I feared that I was going to be released from my calling of teaching the 12 year old sunday school class.  Just the week before our accident I was called to serve in this calling.  I was so excited.  I love primary and I have spent my adult life fulfilling callings in primary.  In fact since becoming an adult I had only had one calling that was something other then in the primary organization and that was when I was a nanny in New York in 2004!  I have loved serving in the primary and have genuinely loved the callings I have had there.  I developed friendships with the women I served with that I will be forever thankful for.  When I received the call to teach the 12 year olds I was nervous but really excited.  I had been sustained but not yet set apart when our accident happened.  When the bishop came to see me in the hospital he told me that they were not releasing me but they had arranged for someone else to teach until I was well enough to do it myself.  That was the end of November and in the beginning of January I felt ready to teach my class. I was going to be Ammon and Treyton's teacher and Hayden had decided to come to the class also.  I loved it even more then I imagined I would and it quickly became one of my favorite callings.  Barry came and helped me teach due to the large size of the class - most Sunday's we had between 10-13 kids.  The 12 year olds have a different manual than other sunday school classes.  While most everyone is reading and studying the Book of Mormon this year they are learning from the book "The Blessings of Exaltation".  I have been amazed at the lessons taught in this manual - always things I needed way more then the kids in my class it seemed.  I have loved the young men and young women in my class.  They have taught me so much and I have felt the prayers they have offered in Barry and my behalf.  I love these guys so much. 
So this morning as I sat waiting for the bishop I knew in my heart that I would be released.  When the bishop confirmed that indeed I was being released I had to squeeze my eyes closed for a moment in order not to cry.  He then said they were asking me to be the Young Women's Secretary and I was so surprised.  I have not been in young women's since I was a young woman and of course I said yes to the call.  I was set apart today after Sacrament meeting and in the blessing I was told I need to "heed" the whisperings of the Holy Ghost and that the miracles that I have experienced in my life would be an inspiration to the girls and help them with their testimonies.  As sad as I am to leave my Sunday school class I am excited to be a part of young women's again.  It will be fun to serve with Cassidy and get to know the young girls in our ward.