Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I’ve been thinking about prayer and blessings lately. Not just priesthood blessings but learning to recognize blessings in my own life. I have been trying to be more aware of what they are and how often I am given tender mercies by our Father in Heaven. At bedtime when we are laying waiting for sleep to come Barry and I have discussed this topic on multiple occasions the last few weeks. I have noticed that somedays it is much harder to recognize the hand of the Lord in our lives. I have also noticed that this happens on days when I am struggling. So I have been working on recognizing and being thankful for these mercies on a more regular basis. This has been a hard week. There are some personal family issues that I have been struggling with and as always I struggle to turn things over to the Lord. This is a concept that I learn over and over. Only I must not always learn it because I find myself in the same place again and again. I have not found time to read my scriptures this week like I should, both for myself and for family scripture time. Life often gets in the way but I know how much it helps to keep up that habit. I have also been thinking of prayers and the kinds of prayers I pray and what I ask for. I am trying to align my will with the will of my Father. Sometimes that is much easier said than done. Sometimes I'm not too sure that I want to know what my Father in Heaven wants me to do. I'm not often certain that I am capable of what He wants me to be capable of. I pray for health and peace and blessings and they don't always happen the way i want them too. I try to make my prayers reasonable and possible to answer and yet they are often answered in a different way. I love to listen to music that uplifts my soul. One of those songs is Blessings in Disguise. I love this song. The words are so beautiful. I love the message. Sometimes what it seems my Father in Heaven sees as best is NOT what I want.
However I have seen enough trials end as blessings that I know that my view is not always accurate. I don't like to watch my loved ones struggle. I don't like seeing those I love and care about make choices that will bring pain before they bring peace. There is so much of that going around. There are so many in pain and anquish. It breaks my heart. At work I have a sweet little patient who has just wormed her way into my heart and I love to see her come in. It's sad though the trial she is going thru may very well end her life here on earth. I'm not sure any one has ever touched me the way she has. She is like a little shaft of light, I feel stronger by being around her and yet she is going thru something so unimaginably difficult that she probably feels darkness all the time and yet somehow she blesses my life. I see others losing family memembers to death or bad choices. I see parents and family members struggle to know how to help their loved ones. It seems so often that our hands are tied and there is nothing we can do to help. So I turn to prayer and pray that Heavenly Father will be there as He always has been even in my very darkest hour to help pour out peace when no peace should be found. I have seen what I thought was the trial that would end my faith be the trial that built my faith and brought me closer to my Father in Heaven then I knew I could be. I have seen those same trials be the blessing that strengthened me enough to deal with the next difficulty I am asked to pass thru. And I have found this song Beautiful Heartache to help pull me thru also.
I am so grateful for the blessing of feeling the spirit in difficult moments. I am grateful for the arms of my husband around me when I can no longer hold in the tears. I am grateful for a husband who is doing something that requires all the faith he can muster and yet he continues to put in the effort everyday and still manages to help me at the same time. I pray I am as much a blessing in his life as he is in mine. I am grateful for children who are willing to give me a hug and quick to say, "I love you mom"!. I am grateful for a job when so many are wishing they had one. I am so grateful for small blessings that we see everyday. Little reminders that God knows who we are, we have NOT been forgotten and although we are required to do hard things - there are blessings in store.