Friday, August 12, 2011
Learning to be Grateful
I am constantly amazed at the difficulties that we are asked to pass through. I see it everyday in my role as a nurse. So many people suffer things everyday. I have been blessed (or cursed) with a soft heart and I have a tendency to get attached to my patients. I have become friends with many of them and some I was friends with before they became my patient. Last week I had an experience I will never forget - although I wish I could. A good friend of mine (who also happens to be my patient) came into the office last week for a routine 34 week OB check. Up till then everything had been very good. At this appointment we discovered that her baby had passed away sometime the week before. I knew that when I became a nurse I would see sad things - I knew that I would have to be professional about it. I couldn't help but cry - in fact I excused myself for a few moments to try and gain some composure so that I might be some help to them. This person has such amazing faith and is dealing with this sad situation so well. She may not like Heavenly Fathers plan but she is accepting it. I have another patient whom I did not know before I came to work here. I have a soft spot for sweet little old men and they get wrapped into my heart pretty easily. This guy is kind of gruff and not always soft spoken. He can be pretty mean if you take what he says to heart. But its all surface - underneath he is just a big sweetheart and gives me a hug whenever he comes in- which won't be too often now - he is dying. I will miss him and its sad to see his family suffer with him until his time comes. I have another patient who had a baby a few months ago and would sometimes seem sad when she came into the office. A few weeks ago she came in for her 6 week check and at some point in the visit she broke down and admitted that her husband had cheated on her several times during her pregnancy. I was asked to visit with her and help in anyway I could - she was heartbroken and felt sure that she wasn't good enough and never would be. My heart broke for her. I have another paitent who in the space of a year lost two babies at around 22 weeks. She then adopted a sweet little girl and is expecting another son in about a month. She gets a sister for her little girl anyday now. We have sorrowed with her and also shared in her joy as God's plan isn't always a trial to endure. We have a sweet sweet little boy who is about 2 years old but the size of most 5 year olds. He loves me! He runs to me with open arms and I love him. We have a sweet little old lady who cusses up a storm and thinks nothing of calling me a "dumbass" and in the same sentence tells me how much she loves me and how glad she is that I am here. She probably won't be around much longer and the world will be a sadder place without her. When my friends baby died last week there was nothing I could do or say that would fix it but I sat by her as her husband held her while she cried and I think this is what it means when we promise to help carry each others burdens. We can't take them - we can't fix it for them - but we can be there and listen. I love my job - on so many levels. I love my patients, so many of them have changed my life for the better and make me want to be a better person and rise to their expectations. I love what I learn here - I am learning to be grateful for my trials, and if I can't be grateful quite yet to at least be willing to accept what might just be God's will for my life and be grateful for the trials that I don't have.