Monday, April 30, 2012

I need more pictures

 I love this picture.  I don't have any memory at all of our accident.  I don't really even remember that morning before the accident happened.  It's funny to me what your brain can block.  I was so confused when I woke up in the hospital.  I hurt alot.  I didn't understand why I was there.  I thought I was dreaming - for days. I kept thinking I would wake up and tell Barry, "I just had the realest craziest dream ever."  But that still hasn't happened.  I love the first picture of us - not because either of us look great (I look terrible) but because of the feeling behind it.  I apparently (foggy memory for all of ICU) did not believe nurses, doctors, or friends, or family members that Barry was ok.  I needed to see him.  Having him come in the room made such a difference to me.  He was like the best antianxiety medicine in the whole world.  I have known for a long time that I am in love with Barry Layne Holman - but that feeling was so real at the hospital.  I loved him so much.  I needed his presence.  There were multiple times that him being in my room was the only way I could sleep.  I felt so bad that he would have to come out of his room to see me I knew that moving was painful for him but it was so good when he was with me.  Also I apparently (again no memory!) told EVERYONE who came into my room those first few days that I wanted to have his child.  That truly has been my hearts desire for a long time.  Lately however I feel very at peace with the family that we have. I am so blessed to still have them and have earthly experiences. 
I very possibly could be wrong about this but I believe this picture was taken after we were out of ICU and just before Barry had his final surgery.  I had just come from my own final surgery (my  broken pelvis) and the only one I remember at all.  I was so happy  to see him.  They only let him stay for about an hour before they had to take him to surgery.  They tell me that I cried and cried when he left.  The nurses felt so bad for us that they changed our rooms and let us be across the hall from each other so we could see the other.  That helped so much.  I can tell you that I did NOT like it when they closed his door. 
This isn't much of an update or the even close to being the whole story and i keep thinking I should work on writing about it before I forget things and even the part i don't remember!  I do know that I am so thankful to be alive today.  So thankful that I was privledged to keep my husband and be here for my children's earthly experiences.
I really don't have any more pictures then this - if any of you happen to have some please share them with us!  We would love to have more visible memories. 

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