Pictures from Primary Children's

The pictures aren't in any particular order - just some random shots while we were there.

Cassidy had lots of visitors. Her Dad and Jamaica came all the way from Texas. Gma and Gpa Rice from Canada! The Utah Hockey Team came to0 as well as several therapy dogs. The first few days Cass wasn't really up to much visiting and doesn't have much memory even of the first few days. Dr. Hopkin and Candy came up for a visit. I know I was always glad to see a new face come in the door. I am so glad that I was able to be at the hospital with her for the duration of her stay.
As you can see it took a whole group of people to get her down the hallway at first. She did so well though. I was (and still am) so impressed with her willingness to do what was required of her - she is one tough little lady!

Waiting to go home - we could hardly wait!
She had many fantastic nurses. I decided it must be a requirement to work there - they were all so great and I was grateful for all that they let me do for her.

This is Cassidy's surgeon Dr. Rebekah Meyers. She is so awesome. We are so grateful to her for all her help.
This is Cassidy on December 2nd the day of surgery. It was so so hard to see her in so much pain and look so vulnerable. Things like this are sure hard for Momma's.
This is Cassidy the night before we left the hospital - after she had her chest tubes removed. Wow what a difference that made! So good to see her up!

What a Difference a few Days Make

Last night I actually slept - it was so nice to wake up and realize it was almost morning. And Cassidy has slept also. They have come in and given her her meds but other then that she has slept and reported her pain at a 6 or even a 5. How wonderful to have it be something besides a 9 or a shouted 10, 10, 10. This little girl has been so amazing. She really is so so strong. This has been a hard thing. Sunday night they took her PCA - meaning she no longer had her little button that gave her morphine each time she needed it. They told me that if would be a hard night - boy was that about the biggest understatement of the year. I'm pretty sure that Sunday night made it on my chart of top ten hardest days of my life. They said they were transitioning her onto oral meds and they wanted to go with Oxycodone. Ok. So about 8pm they gave her the first dose and let her keep her PCA which she able to use some but was mostly sleeping. Keep in mind that I am not supposed to push that button for her and I didn't. Around 11 they came back in and gave her the next dose of Oxy. She took it and was asleep again - I don't think she used the PCA at all. A half hour later they took the PCA - while she was asleep. She got up maybe 30 or 45 minutes later and wanted her button. She was hurting. That was the last sleep we got until after 10am the next day. It seemed that not matter what they did she was hurting and hurting alot. She yelled and cried and screamed. She asked them to let her die. She wished that she had died. She yelled ow, ow, ow over and over again. I'm hurting she would say please give me something. They did of course all that they could. And I could do nothing. Finally about 5 they had given her all that they could for quite a while. I could hardly stand it - she was hurting and I couldn't help I began to cry. I had tried very hard to control my emotions around her because they had told us in the beginning that our anxieties transfer and worry them. I didn't want that but I couldn't help it anymore. She looked at me and said, Mommy are you crying? I told her no but she said "yes you are, I made you cry". I assured her that she was ok I was just having a hard time and I asked her if I could go for a walk. She told me no, and said please please don't leave me. In the saddest little voice you have ever heard. I assured her that I would not leave her and she asked again for something for the pain. I told her there was nothing else they could give her. She opened her eyes, looked at me and said "then I need a blessing". It only took about 10 minutes for the nurse to round up to male nurses with the priesthood. They laid their hands on her head and gave her a blessing. She was calm after that even thru all the pain and I was so grateful. So grateful for her faith in the priesthood and for two strangers who helped us in our time of need. So glad to be able to ask and have that request granted in such a short amount of time. Later that day her nurse apologized and said I should have been better prepared. She said the first 12 hours of oral pain meds are always like that - but I honestly can't describe to you how awful it was. It still makes my eyes well up with tears to think about it. Yesterday was our best day yet. For about 2 or 3 hours Cassidy was awake and talking - she even smiled and joked a little. It was so great to see her. We have had the most amazing nurses and I am so grateful for their patience and kindness to both Cassidy and I. I am so grateful for their trust in my and allowance of my help with her care. It has helped me so much to be able to participate and be included in this. I am so glad I am a nurse and can understand at least a part of what they are talking about. I hope we get to go home soon - and I hope things go well after we get there. So glad that Sunday night is over and things are starting to look up. They said that her chest tubes will most likely come out today - yeah we've heard that before but I am hoping that it is true. They said maybe even her little drains that they told us before might be up to two weeks. How awesome it would be to go home with no tubes. I sure miss my husband and will be so glad to be back in our own bed. I hope Cassidy has more of an appetite today. She can't go home untill she is eating and drinking better - keep praying for her.

December - Fast Sunday

Today is Sunday the 5th of December the first Sunday of the month of December. One of my favorite months of the year - even though it comes in winter. I love Christmas. I love the feeling and spirit that surrounds this time of year with the thought of the birth of my Savior. Since becoming a mother my thoughts often turn to Mary and the amazing woman that she became. Last spring I had the privilege of portraying Mary for a Young Women's activity. There were several of us representing a great woman from history who was chosen to represent one of the young womens values - (Divine Nature) I had the blessing of bearing my testimony through Mary - the Mother of Jesus. I was at a point in my life that was very difficult for me and this experience - writing Mary's story -from my point of view was very therapeutic and very healing. Not sure why but I feel like sharing it today.

(I first started writing this at the hospital but it wouldn't let me copy and paste my talk - today it did!)

Divine Nature

Mary – Mother of Jesus

Good Evening, my name is Mary and I am the mother of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I lived over 2000 years ago and yet it seems like only yesterday that my father and mother told me that I would be privileged to marry Joseph. I was just about the same age as some of you - somewhere between 14 and 16. Joseph was quite a bit older - a carpenter - we had several pieces of furniture that he made in our home. I had been in his shop with my father on several occasions and I had always thought of him as handsome. I was so happy - I knew Joseph was a righteous man and that he would be a wonderful husband.

One evening as I was sitting outside imagining what my life as Joseph’s wife and if we were blessed with children what being a mother might be like - a light suddenly appeared before me. In the light was a man - an angel - he called me by name and told me his name was Gabriel. He said he had been sent from God. He told me that I “had found favor with God and that I was blest among women.” As you can imagine nothing like this had ever happened to me or any one else that I knew. I was troubled and a little afraid. The angel saw my worry and told me to “fear not” He then told me that I had been chosen to be the Mother of God’s only begotten Son and that I should name him Jesus.

I thought of my engagement to Joseph and our approaching wedding day. My parents had taught me the importance of remaining clean and pure before marriage and I knew that it was impossible for me to have conceived such a child. The angel went on speaking telling me how my son would be called great, wonderful, mighty, the Son of the Highest. Wait I said - my head was spinning - it was so much to take in. I looked into his eyes and saw only kindness and understanding there so I asked him how it would be possible for this to happen when I was not yet married. He simply told me that it would happen through the power of the Holy Ghost. He then went on to tell me that my cousin Elizabeth had also conceived a son and that he would be born in about 3 months. This was big news - although Elizabeth was older then my own mother she and I had always been close and I knew that she had always dreamed of being a mother. The angel smiled then and told me that “with God nothing is impossible.” I felt a peace then that I would remember for the rest of my life and I said - “be it unto me according to thy word.”

The angel left me then and within a few days I was on my way to visit my cousin Elisabeth to help her prepare for the birth of her child. It was so wonderful to be in her home. When I arrived the she said the spirit had whispered to her what was happening to me and that even the little one in her womb had recognized the spirit that was even now growing inside of me. Elizabeth and I talked for hours on end of the miracles that were happening to us. I had many concerns and my cousin was like balm to my soul. I was able to express my concerns, fears, and feelings of inadequacy to her. How could I, I was so young- as yet unmarried and quite shy, - how could I be worthy of raising such a child - the Son of God? Elizabeth reminded me that I too was a child of God, His daughter and that I had come to this earth with the divine nature of my Father in Heaven ingrained the very fiber of my being. She reminded me that the promise of the birth of the Savior had been promised in the scriptures and that of all the women in the world that God had chosen me to bring this child into the world. She said that God didn’t expect me to do this on my own – that He would send people – like her, my parents, Joseph, and many others to help me through any and all of life’s trials. She said she too often felt inadequate and she thought that was simply part of being a human, especially a woman.

She reminded me that God was, is, and always will be my loving Father in Heaven and that He would always guide me and protect me. We talked of the person that my little son would become. How not only would He be the Savior of the world, He would be my Savior and that He would suffer for even these trials that I was experiencing now.

You all know how my story unfolds – of the miracles I was privileged to be a part of. I have led an amazing life – one full of marvelous miracles and also excruciating pain. Watching my son, my baby, my Savior suffer and die on the cross was one of the most difficult things any mother could be asked to bear and yet even in this moment of pain and anguish for my Son, He was still looking out for me and thinking of me – reminding His loving Apostle to care for me. He will do the same for you. I have looked into your Saviors eyes, I have felt of His love for each of you and I know how much joy it brings when we not only believe in Him but believe Him. I have seen His joy as He went about healing the sick and afflicted. I have seen Him care about small things like whether or not there was enough wine at a friends wedding and I have seen Him care enough about others that He would forgive them even as they took His life. I cannot imagine growing up today – with all the trials and challenges the world is facing but I do know this, you too are God’s daughter and you have been born with a divine nature inside of you – call upon this power as you go about your life. My son and His Father have not forgotten you, they will not forsake you. Every thing you are asked to bear in this life – whether it be wonderful or agonizing they will provide someone to help you through. They will be there for you in your times of trial and pain – get down on your knees ask for help as often as you need it, and it will come – every single time, even multiple times in one day if needed. I bear testimony of this and leave you my witness of our Savior – that He lives. In the name of Jesus Christ- Amen.

Cass

On December 11 1997 one of my hearts desires became reality. I have always wanted to be a mom. I remember as a little girl wish with all my heart that I could hurry and grow up so I could be a mom. I played with dolls far longer then most of my friends simply because I loved babies so much. I loved going babysitting, loved (most of the time) helping with my mom's daycare in high school. I even took babysitting kids on dates with me more then once - I have just always wanted to be a mother. And finally with the birth of my sweet daughter I was a mom. As any who have given birth can attest it is not an easy feat and my labor with Cass was long and silly me I was too afraid of a needle in my back to get a epidural so she was basically natural - yeah silly me. I remember in the delivery room being so tired that I didn't think I could even lift my arm. I actually remember looking at my own arm and thinking that it was too heavy too lift and thinking I won't be able to hold my own child if she ever arrived. When she finally got there after almost 2 long hours of pushing however it was as if all that went out the door. I have a picture of before her cord has even been cut and my arms are already reaching for her - I wanted that baby! That is a picture by the way that most will never see do to the graphic details shown! I was so happy to see her. She was tiny and so perfect with long fingers and toes and little itty bitty finger nails and absoultely no hair at all. No eyelashes or eyebrows even. She was due on the 21st and born on the 11th but they decided after that her due date must have been wrong because she had other signs of being a little more early then that. She got to stay with me in the room though and I just wanted to look at her all the time. She was such a good baby. Hardly ever fussy and just a sweet almost sober little child. She was named Cassidy Lucille Rice. Lucille is also my middle name and we are both named after my Grandma Brown. Cassidy was my dream come true and she still is. While she is indeed a teenage girl (well almost) with all the emotional attachments that come with growing up she is indeed a very good girl. I love her so much. I like to think that we are pretty good friends and I hope that continues as she grows up. I can't even begin to explain how difficult this has been as her mom. I have for the most part been able to control my emotions but have had moments when I break into tears. The first time was in recovery when they were having such a hard time with her pain. She wasn't angry or irritable at all just hurting so much and you could see it in her eyes, facial expression, and body language. I honestly can't imagine a more painful surgery. If you break your leg, arm, hip, head even they immobilize it and you don't get to use it. She had no choice. Her sternum has literally been cut and broken and she has to use it with each and every breath she takes. Her nurse tonight said that of all the surgery patients she has cared for that this is the one surgery that she would never ever want to have. - not that she would want any I'm sure. And yet Cassidy has been so great. Another breaking moment for me was telling Cass that her cousin Jeff fasted for her on Thursday. Jeffery is the same age as Cass and they are in the same grade at school. They are pretty good pals and apparently without telling anyone Jeff opted to fast for his friend and cousin. Like most kids his age Jeffery does not enjoy fasting and yet he made this sacrifice for her - thank you Jeffery - I'm not sure you will ever know how much that meant to her mom. As I was reading the email his mom, my sister, Bonnie sent me to tell me about it I felt hot tears of emotion well up in my eyes but the next morning as I told Cass about it they just ran down my cheeks - they are welling up again just writing about it. What an amazing act of faith and I as her mother am very very grateful - thank you Jeffery.
It is amazing how well she is doing. Yesterday less then 24 hours after surgery she got out of bed and walked down the hall - it takes quite a group to carry all her drains and drag the oxygen tank and IV pole but she was so great and walked 4 times yesterday - meeting the goal set by her amazing nurse Sarah. She was our nurse again tonight and I won't tell Cass that although she set a goal of 4 times she didn't expect her to do it more then 2 - even once would have been great. The last 2 times were even initiated by Cass so she could mark her boxes off the chart in her room. It really wore her out though - but it is so so good for her recovery. As you can imagine coughing and such are really painful right now and without walking and use of her incentive spirometor pneumonia can easily set it - not a good idea! I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for His help in this. I am grateful for Cassidy's faith in the power of the Priesthood. She has asked for a blessing each night and both times as been able to sleep for quite a while after. I love the power, blessing, and strength of the Priesthood and I am so deep down grateful that it has been restored to the earth. How blessed I am to live in a time where the true gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to the earth. How blessed to be born into a family where I was taught the gospel and blessed with the a father who was always lived worthy to give me a blessing. I have always had faith in this power - whether it be for illness, or emotional pain and I am grateful that my daughter seems to have this same faith. Oh how I've prayed for her and know that many others are doing the same - what a blessing. I have been so grateful to see Barry's hands laid on her head - I am so blessed to have him for my husband. He is so good to me and my children. I pray that I am as good a mother to the children he has brought to our marriage as he is a father to mine. I truly love Barry's children but don't always know how to let them know that I do. It seems so easy for him to show love to mine. He and Cass have such a good relationship. He teases her mercilessly and she gives it right back. He told her to hurry and get well so he could pick on her again - he says its no fun to tease when she doesn't even respond. I have no idea what I did to deserve the man that he is. He is so good to me and I feel blessed everyday to be his wife. I am so proud to be the woman that he has chosen to spend eternity with - and hope that when eternity comes that he still wants me. He has been my rock through so many things since we began and this has been no exception. He has stayed late, gotten here early, helped Cass walk, fed her, helped adjust her, teased her into eating, encouraged her to breathe, given her multiple priesthood blessings, and simply shown both of us his love. Thanks Barry - I love you too.
Cassidy has been indeed blessed with lots of love. Her dad and his wife flew in from Texas and she said in her prayer the night before surgery how glad she was that they came. Her Grandparents from Canada have driven all this way to love and support her. Her Holman Grandparents are gone to Tennessee but Grandpa helped with a blessing before we came and loaned us this laptop to help with stress and boredom - truly a blessing. They have also called and prayed for her. My parents have been watching Rachel and Kerri - no small sacrifice - so that I could be here with her. I have the most amazing parents in the world and I hope I can always be as close with my children as I am with my own mother. She is truly a great lady and such a great example. Thank you thank you mom for all your love prayers and support. There have been many times in my life that I would have been so lost without you. Cass has had visitors from Idaho and here in Utah. Even Dr. Hopkin is coming to see her today. Seriously my amazing Dr. is coming here to see her. I honestly have such a great job and it really is more like a family then a job. I am so blessed to have been hired to work there. I feel so loved by my Heavenly Father for the many many blessings I am blessed with. Life is certainly not without challenge and there are days when I wonder who in the world my Father in Heaven thinks I am to be able to deal with certain challenges but I have learned that the Atonement is for every single day of my life and I know that even this pain that my Cassidy is suffering has been suffered by her Savior and so He truly understands how she feels. What a blessing to have someone who actually knows how you feel. There have been so many times in my life where I have simple been grateful to be able to talk to and poor out my heart to someone who honestly and truly understands my heart. I have learned the last few years to truly rely on my Savior and it seems that I often have to relearn it but it is getting easier to accept His plan for me and my life even when it doesn't go exactly like I think it should. I am so grateful to be here with Cassidy and be a part of her team. This has been hard but I think good for us I think we will be even closer because of it. I love it when she asks me for help - even when it is to scratch her toe, armpit, or even her bum!
This has become a long sort of rambling post - simply my thoughts as I type as I sit here at her bedside and listen to her breath. She is still my baby girl.

Primary Children's Room 3059

So yesterday was one of the longest days of my entire life. Well lets start with Wednesday. We had heard there were storms coming through that morning so we headed down late Tuesday and saw the eye doctor Wednesday morning. His conclusion with her eye was that she has "late onset severe lazy eye". He let us know that we do not have to chose surgery but there are not other options to correct her vision. He said that with time her eye will only worsen and that she eventually will not have much control over where it looks at all. He said she would have no peripheral vision or depth perception in that eye at all. He went on to say that it would affect her education, her ability to get a job or promotions, her social life, her ability to find a spouse.... So yeah we opted for surgery. We have scheduled that for April 8th - that sounded good since Sugar's spring break is the 8th - the 12th. We talked about doing it while she was here but decided it would be too much for her. He said we could do it as soon as the first of January and that he did not suggest waiting till school was out. With as much school as she is missing already January seemed too soon so April it is.
So then we just had to wait till Thursday for the real reason we are here. We arrived for registration at 8:15 am and she was taken to surgery at 10. We had the option of a little versed before hand for anxiety issues. They said that because she is older then 6 she did not have to have it - anyone who knows Cass and medical stuff knows why I said um yeah lets let her have that. It was funny to watch her get a little silly before they took her back and I was grateful the medicine made it easier for her to say good-bye. Then the wait began. The surgery waiting room is pretty good-sized but it was also pretty full of parents all anxiously waiting for news of their children. We were told they would keep us updated and they did. It could have been alot more awkward waiting then it was. There were six of us. Barry and I, Jerry and Jamaica (Her dad and his wife) and Jerry's parents. Divorce seems to add a little complication to most of life and so this was no different. It wasn't bad though and we all played UNO for quite a while which was a good time passer. We heard something about once an hour. Always the news was that Cassidy was handling things well and they would check in again. The last call we got they said they were "putting her back together". The surgery ended up lasting 5 long - very long hours. When Dr. Meyers came to see us she let us know how things went. They ended up taking all of the cartilage from her 2 upper ribs on both sides (that's 4) and part of the cartilage from 7 or 8 others. She said they completely removed the end of her sternum and cut 3 triangle shaped pieces out of her sternum. She said they then "cracked" it and she made a motion with her hands like you would when breaking a stick. They then wired everything back together. It was over an hour from the time the Dr. came before they came to get me. They had said only 1 person could go to recovery and I sure wanted to be that person. When we went back they said that it had been hard to get her pain controlled and that is why it had taken so long. There had been a miscommunication and no pain meds at all had been ordered for her. That was quickly remedied although it took quite some time to get on top of things. She ended up staying in recovery for about 31/2 hours. She made it to her room about 6:30 which was a long long time from our 8:15 arrival. She has lots of wires and tubes - 2 chest tubes, 2 JP drain tubes, IV, Foley Catheter, a ON Q which is two epidural catheters going directly into her wounds this applies locating (numbing meds) directly on her wounds. She also has a PCA which allows her to have continuous morphine and she can dose herself every ten minutes with a little extra. She is also taking additional IV anxiety, pain, and nausea meds. It was so hard to watch her struggle - especially in the recovery room. I wanted to cry with her and wish so much that I could take some of the pain and make this easier for her. I have been working on this post for over two hours - stopping to help her and try to adjust her so she will be more comfortable. This morning she thought a banana milkshake sounded good but only took a few sips. I love this child so much - watching her struggle is so hard. I wish she would be grumpy but she just lays so quiet it is hard to get her to respond. Her eyes are so sad it breaks my heart.

Halloween

Every year our office dresses up for Halloween. This year as you might guess from the above picture we were The Wizard of Oz. It's always fun to see patients reactions when they come in and fun to go on rounds up to the hospital with Dr. Hopkin. I am so blessed everyday to have a job that I love. I am aware that having a job at all these days indeed quite a blessing but to have one where you enjoy going to work everyday is pretty amazing.

I admit to being a neglectful mother this Halloween as I was unable to locate our camera and therefor have no pictures of the kids - this one was taken on Julie's (the lion) cell phone and then emailed to me - so sorry but no pics of the kids. Cassidy was a pirate, Hayden was Dorothy, Rachel and Kerri were both pixies - not to be confused with fairies which are bigger then pixies! We went to two Trunk or Treats which were both lots of fun. I for one love trunk or treats even though Barry feels that they have ruined Halloween - he remembers taking his pillow case all over town and filling it to the brim - going to the best houses twice or more and not coming home until he absolutely had to. I grew up in the country - next to the cememtary no less and we did not wander the neighborhood on a regular night let alone Halloween we would have loved a neighborhood trunk or treat in my day. Halloween is far from my favorite holiday but I love Thanksgiving and Christmas so I am excited for the holiday season. I am going to attempt to do some thankful blogs again this year even though I never made it through the alphabet last year.

Cassidy's surgery is scheduled for the 2nd of December and she will see the Eye Doctor on the 1st. We were hoping to get both surgeries out of the way at the same time but was told yesterday that the possibility of that is slim to none. Simply because of the amount of anesthesia she will have with the first surgery. I am still hoping that they will work something out so we don't have to drive down twice.

And yesterday marked the point where I could say that Ammon will be home next month!!!

1 Month + updates

Today makes one month since the girls and I have been working out. I'm not sure the day we started that I thought it would continue. I am so glad we have. This weekend Barry and I went and got memberships to World Gym. We realized with the colder weather creeping in we won't be able to walk outside for much longer plus the gym offers other things that walking doesn't. I am excited to get toned and feel better about the way I look. I also can not believe how much exercise helps with stress and anxiety. It is something I wish I had learned when I was much younger. I am thinking that it would be good for Cassidy as she is pretty stressed right now about all that is going on with her life.

For the past few weeks several people have mentioned that Cassidy appears to have a lazy eye. We took her to see the eye doctor on Saturday and she does indeed have one. There of course is a large medical term for it but I can't remember it and probably couldn't spell it if I did. She has one of worst powers of it. Since you usually know about a lazy eye much earlier then this we are doing an MRI tomorrow to see if there is any other underlying cause besides genetics. They are also saying that surgery to correct it is probably her best option and they are recommending the pediatric ophthalmologists down at Primary Children's to do it. So that means another trip to SLC to meet and visit with the eye doctor and then schedule another surgery. There is a good possibility that while she is in the hospital in December that she will be having not one but two surgeries. Thankfully the eye one is a lot less traumatic and dramatic then the one for her chest. I sure love this little girl and am sad to see her struggling with these things. I am grateful for the power of the priesthood to help comfort at times like this. I think maybe we both need one this week.

Hayden also graduated from his dyslexia class that he took this past week. I couldn't believe how willing and even excited he was to go to class everyday. While everyone else was off playing during spud harvest - here he was still in class. He did great though and while he was there he went from reading on a 2nd-3rd grade level to reading at 5th grade - in 5 days! WOW - He is so awesome. I am so proud of him. As Barry and Judy and I sat across the table from him and listened as he read a passage (at 5th grade level) that he had never seen before and only make 2 or 3 mistakes it was all I could do not to cry. ( I didn't want to embarrass him) It has been hard to watch him struggle with reading. I love reading so much and it is awesome to see him reading and actually enjoying it. So that has been awesome and I hope that we can do all the things that we need to to keep it going. The class was interesting uses some different techniques to"orient" his brain - but it works so I'm not arguing. I just want to do all I can to keep it going for him.

I am also excited because we got Ammon's Christmas flight home booked. He will arrive in SLC on December 19th. I can not wait to see him. That will be a pretty crazy time as Cass will still be recovering from her surgery but it will be fantastic to see Ammon. I have missed him like crazy. I hope he choses to move back home at some point but want him to be happy and healthy so I am trying not to put pressure on him or make him feel that he has to chose between his parents. I am not always the best at sharing and I don't like sharing my children. I also understand however that there are certain consequences of divorce and this is one that I get to deal with on both sides of the issue. I have dearly loved having Hayden live with us but also have empathy for his mother as she is missing him too.

Hope you all have a fantastic day! If anyone has some advice or experience with any of the issues above let me know - I'll take all the help I can get!

Shapin' Up

Last Tuesday my sisters and I started walking together. We've decided to make it more like an informal biggest loser thing only we aren't competing to lose weight. We will be meeting 5-6 days a week to work on getting in shape together. We meet at 5am and do some sort of cardio workout. Here's our tentative schedule -

• Monday – Meet at Becky's – Workout video plus at least 1 mile walk

• Tuesday – Meet at Karin's – Walk the bike path – goal – 3 miles each way

• Wednesday – Meet at BYU-I stadium - 2 Miles around track - plus walk the stairs

• Thursday - Back at Becky's

• Friday – Meet at Bonnie's for walking

• Saturday – Meet at Dr. Larsen's for 4-6 mile walk

  Today we met at Becky's and measured so that we could keep track of the inches that we hope to lose. We also agreed to keep a food journal so that we can see what we are eating and what is keeping us from meeting our goals. We will remeasure again in one month to see how we are each doing. Here are my measurements - (don't laugh at my scrawny arms - I'm working on that!)

  • Chest – 32

  • R Arm – 9 1/2

  • L Arm – 9 ¼

  • Waist – 30 1/2

  • Hips - 36 ½

  • R Hip – 19

  • L Hip – 19 ½

  • 116 lbs

  • 19.1% Body Fat

    Each of us has different goals that we are working to attain. My goal is not to lose weight necessarily but to get in shape and build and tone muscle. I am excited about feeling better about myself and the way I look. Since February I have been able to maintain a weight loss of 10 lbs and I have noticed that when I work out on a regular basis that I feel better emotionally and spiritually as well as physically.

    For Enrichment my ward is doing a Relief Society University. We have a list of goals to chose from - including physical fitness, family, spirituality, etc. We are supposed to chose between 3-9 goals in each area in order to earn between a bachelor's and doctorate degree. I am excited about all the areas and looking forward to learning about myself and improving how I feel. The last few months I have been struggling emotionally and really feel like these goals are going to help me overcome that. I have already noticed a big difference since I have been working out this past week. I have also really enjoyed spending time with the other girls. I haven't ever walked with or worked out with a group before and it has been really fun to hang out with the girls. They really help me to push past what I would ever do by myself. Posting this blog will help keep me motivated too I think. So here I go this is really my first real and serious attempt at getting in shape. I have always been able to eat pretty much whatever I want but the last few years that is catching up to me. I have also recently learned that I am moderately insulin resistant so I know I need to watch my sugars and lose belly fat. Wish me luck!

  
  

Cassidy's Surgery

Just a quick update on my Cassidy. She and I drove down to Primary Children's on Monday. And I just have to note that for the first time I did not get lost trying to get back on the Highway - anyone who knows my sense of direction knows that this is an accomplishment! The real news for this post however is that they have decided to schedule the surgery. (for those that don't know Cassidy has a common chest deformity - well two actually - Pectus Excavatum and Pectus Carinatum) We have known that this was coming for probably 5 or 6 years. I however kept hoping that they would say that they had discovered a new non-invasive pain-free treatment. Well that didn't happen! When we went for her check up about 1 1/2 years ago Dr. Meyers said she wanted to see Cass back when she had a growth spurt and then talk about scheduling. A couple weeks ago Cass was visiting me at work along with several other kids and Barry. Barry was busy weighing and measuring the kids just for fun and he let me know that Cassidy had grown 2 1/2 inches since January. I called Primary's and they said that is considered a growth spurt and that we should bring her back. Dr. Meyers only sees patients two Mondays a month so we had a short wait but Monday the 20th was her day.

I get nervous about traffic and being late so we left early and got there almost 2 hours early only to discover that the Dr. was running late anyway so we still waited for forever to see her. It was kind of funny actually because we went up to her office and let her know we were there - early. We asked if we should find something to do of if we could possibly be seen before our 11:40 appointment. Since it was only about 10 they were like of course we'll see her before then but the Dr. has been in surgery and is running about an hour and 45 minutes behind. The lady behind me pips up and says "but is she running late for all the appointments this morning?" The receptionist looked from me to the lady and back again and says, "well since she is in surgery then yes". I guess the other was just hoping I was disliked or something. We ended up seeing her about 12:30! But we went down and had lunch and stuff and time went a little faster then it could have. Next time we will be sure and bring a book to read!

Any way Dr. Meyers looked at Cass and showed us the pictures from last time. I have been able to see her chest growing deeper but I was surprised to see how much worse it looked then lst time. She explained that since Cass has the most rare form of the defect and that actual bone is involved and not just cartilage that she really needs to have it corrected. She said she wanted it done this year. I was like - oh so sometime before next September? and She just looked at me and said "um, THIS year". I was like oh 2010! So since Cass has 2 weeks off from school in December and my doctor will be gone the 1-9 making it easy for me to be out of the office - the surgery will be the first week of December. We won't know the day until of October and the exact time not until the night before - WOW. They anticipate about 4 hours of surgery and then about 1 week hospital stay. She cannot go to school for at least 2 weeks after that - they said the first 2 months are pretty difficult but then we should see improvement. She will be on activity restriction for 6 months due to the idea that if she is falls on or is hit on the chest her ribs will penetrate her hear or lungs - um that doesn't sound great. So as scary as it is it will be good in the end. Keep her in your prayers come December - she will need all that she can get - (and her mom too!). We'll let you know changes as we get them.

Whoa two posts in less then 24 hours - I am on a roll!

This is a picture of several of the Holman Grandkids when we went to Utah (about a year ago) to see Bryan be given the role of Major in the Army - pretty cool and a pretty cute bunch of kids!

This is Stetson (I believe at State) taking down an opponent - yes he is the one in blue and no the other guy does not look comfortable!
Barry and Amy at the Graduation - Barry w/ Associates and Amy w/ Masters! Congrats you guys!
Barry and I at Graduation - it was so hot already - it was only like 10 am and already almost 100 degrees - Man i love Idaho in the summer. Congrats Barry I love you!

Well for some reason it won't let me load more then 5 pics to this post so there might be more to come but don't hold your breath!

So I suck at Blogging!

Ok so it's been a really long time again! But I swear I will get better at this!@#%$&

I love blogs - meaning other people's blogs - I even look at blogs of people that I don't really know! Its so fun to look at family and friends blogs and see what they have been up to and what the family is doing and I get frustrated when someone doesn't up date their blog - (yeah yeah i know). So I am going to make a goal of updating once a month. I need to get some pictures up but we have been so bad this summer about taking pictures. It seems that both Barry and I always forget to take the camera or if we remember we just don't get it out - not sure what the deal is on that one but like I said I am going to try and do better.

So summer is somehow over already - I have no idea what happened to it! I love summer - I love camping with Barry and the kids, I love the warm weather, I love cooking on the grill, I love my flower garden, I love the sunshine!, really I love pretty much everything about summer and I am so so sad that it is coming to an end. We had some great camp-outs this summer - of course we went to Pack Saddle Lake as always - the kids love that one. We went to Crystal Hot Springs in Utah - fun water slides! We went to Rock Creek Girls Camp where my parents are currently serving their 2nd mission (have I ever mentioned what awesome parents i have?) Generally we go camping over Labor Day but that is still up in the air. And we have one more the 2nd weekend in September back at Rock Creek for a Brown family reunion which I am so excited about. Did I mention that we drove all the kids to Arizona in May for Barry and his sister Amy's Graduation from University of Phoenix - lets just say 7 kids in the suburban without air conditioning = no fun! Ok so the trip was fun but the ride home sucked!

Starting tomorrow the kids will all be back in school again. (Wow the summer went by fast!) Sugar started last Wednesday and Ucon starts tomorrow. Stetson is a Junior this year (holy cow he is getting old - wait what does that say about Barry and I?) He is with us again this year for school and i love that. I'm not sure if Stetson really knows how much I love him and enjoy having him live with us. Not sure how to express that to a teenager. He is a great kid though and even though there are frustrations with being a step-parent to a teenager I really do enjoy having him around. Justin is Freshman this year and is back at Bonneville. We sure enjoyed having him last year. It must be hard to have to figure out which parent you want to live with. I am sure glad that my parents are still married to each other. It was fun to get to know Justin a little better during the last semester last year and I miss having him around - maybe next year?

Cassidy is in 7th grade and in her first year at Jr. High - thats crazy! I can't believe how fast she is growing up (yes i do think that about all of them!) She is really becoming a young woman. I went to a Fireside at the church with her tonight and it was fun to sit with her. Cassidy has an appointment with Dr. Meyers at Primary Children's on September 20th. We will see what they say about her surgery. They said a year and a half ago that when she has a growth spurt they want her back to talk about scheduling and she has grown 21/2 inches since January - so we'll see what they say - (I'll keep that updated for sure!) Hayden is in 6th grade this year and living with us during the school year for the first time. The first week of school has been great and I am super thrilled that he is here with us. I must admit that I have some empathy for Judy over it - (I guess it's a mom thing) but I am so excited for Barry and also super excited to have him here. Hayden is a great kid and I am looking forward to getting to know him even better. Ammon is in the 5th grade this year and I am sad to say is living in Texas with his dad for the next year. It's funny how sometimes the Spirit prompts you to do something that you don't want to do. I miss him everyday. I love that boy so much. Every year I think "Wow I can't believe it's December all ready where did the year go?" and I am super hoping that the same thing happens this year because just after Christmas is when i get to see him again. I love you buddy and miss you! Lets see whos next? Oh yeah Treyton - He is also in the 5th grade and with him Mom in Ucon for the school year. It was fun to have him here during the summer. I love that we got so much time with the 3 littler Holman's this year. I really truly love Barry's children - our children. Rachel is in 3rd grade this year and was super excited to start school. Savannah is also in 3rd grade and its fun to see two of them starting to become friends. This summer we saw more of that then we have in the past so I am happy for that. Kerri is our caboose and is in Kindergarten this year. We decided to have her repeat to help with reading skills - kindergarten is not my favorite grade.

So thats a short update on the kids. What can I tell you about Barry and I? We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary in July. Seems a little crazy to think we have only been married for 3 years and yet we have all these kids - whatever- thats our life! Our three years have been busy, crazy, and don't seem to be slowing down. In 3 years Barry and I have both gotten our Associates Degree's, we are both working full-time, we have 9 kids, oh the stories i could tell!! However I must say that despite any trials and difficulty we have faced I am so glad that I married Barry Holman. I love him so deeply. He is such a good husband and father. He takes great care of our children and myself. I know that I am loved and that is so important. Sometimes I get caught up in the trials of earth life and I forget that this really is such a short time in the eternal realm of things. I hope I am pleasing my Father in Heaven. I hope I am the wife I want to be. I love being a mother and have been amazed at the love I feel for all of our children.

Wow this post is getting a little long so I'll end here - Hopefully i'll post again soon and meet my goal of at least once a month - Thanks to all who look at this and thanks for letting me have a peek at all of your lives through your blogs! Love you - Karin

It's Been A While....

So it's been a very long time since I posted anything and since I am doing this one from work you'll have to wait for pics but there will be some coming......eventually.
Let me see if I can do a quick run down on each of the kids -

Stetson -
Stetson took 3rd at District and 4th at State Wrestling. I had never been to state before and it was really fun to watch. He wrestled hard and "tough" as Barry would say and although it was anxiety provoking to watch and not be able to help I totally enjoyed it. Bryce was an awesome support for Stetson during wrestling and it was almost as much fun to watch him and Barry as it was to watch the wrestling match. He also took 1st at the first free-style tournament and 4th at the big one in Pocatello last weekend. Stetson is also just a few months away from being 16 and that means we will be experiencing dating life through the eyes of a teenager for the first time - that should be interesting - I'll keep you posted on that.

Justin -
Justin has been living with us for the past week. He is here for the last semester of school which hopefully should make his summer here more fun. There really has been zero transition with this change - he has been so easy to live with. Justin is also doing free-style and is pretty awesome at it. Justin took 1st twice at his first tournament and I think 4th at the big Rumble in Pocatello this past weekend. I have heard from several people that the girls at school think Justin is "cute" - so thats should be fun for him.

Cassidy -
Cass turned 12 in December and so has entered into the realm of youngwomanhood. She got to do baptisms for the dead for the first time the other night and really enjoyed that. It has been fun to see her growing up and wanting to experience things like that. My mom was one of my best friends when i was growing up and the one I always wanted to talk to - I hope its the same for Cass and I. Cass is getting ready to graduate from the DARE program and she scary enough she will be in Jr. High next year - where does time go?

Hayden -
Hayden is going to be 12 later this year and so he got to go to the priesthood preview with Barry. It is exciting to think about having another priesthood holder in our family - I was not prepared for the amount of pride I have when I watch the boys pass the sacrament. For the past little while Hayden has had what I consider "surfer-boy" hair. Its fun to see thier different personslities and what they think is "cool". Hayden has officially decided he doesn't enjoy wrestling so it will be intesting to see what his nitch is. I must say he is pretty pro at a rubix cube which is something I have never been able to figure out. You can request any color or combo of colors on any given side and within seconds he will have it.

Ammon -
Ammon is once more back into wrestling this year with free-style. His goal is to stay in long enough to get new shoes! He seems to be enjoying it more this year and has done well in his first couple of matches. This week Ammon was invited over to his friends house to help get rid of a mice infestation in the back yard. Imagine his excitment when he was told to bring a BB gun to get rid of them with - oh yeah- the most fun he's had in a while. He is most definetly all boy! And what is it with these boys and long hair? Ammon's hair now covers his ears and is pretty shaggy but he likes it - whats a mom to do? Whats wrong with a good "missionary" haircut?

Treyton -
Treyton is wrestling also and it has been fun to see him a couple of extra times a week as he has been coming to practice with Barry. Its been good for him and Ammon to be able to work together. Treyton has also had long hair for a while now too but just recently got a haircut - man he looks good. The first time I saw him after he got it I had to look twice to know who he was! Treyton has some pretty serious cleaning skills when you can get him to put them to work and will work with you all day - just a hint to any of you out there who might need some help around the house.

Rachel -
Rachel turned 8 in September and was baptized in January. It was fun to see her all dressed in white and making decisions that will benefit her for eternity. She is one of the sweetest little girls I have ever met. She has loved animals ever since she was a tiny little thing. Rachel is a great little reader and i am continually amazed at how fun it is to see your kids learn new things. Rachel had her four front teeth pulled a couple of years ago and it has taken a long time for them to come back in. She won't be toothless for long though because she only has one empty spot left.

Savannah -
Savannah will be turning 8 in May and can hardly wait to be baptized. I think she has mentioned it at least a dozen times everytime I've seen her for the past several months. She has been planning her birthday party for over a year so it might be interesting to see what happens with that. Savannah is a girly girl who loves clothes, shoes, and shopping - it will be fun when all three little girls are teenager together - can you even imagine?

Kerri -
Kerri is our last kindergartner ever! This year all our kids were officially in school. How crazy is that - our family is growing up. Kerri is a funny little thing and comes up with the most random questions and statements. Lately she has been a little monkey and always wants to be on the cupboard or swinging on doors. She is excited for summer to get here so she can get her bike out and ride again - she lost her training wheels last year and is anxious to see if she can still ride without them.

Barry and I -
Barry and I are still teaching primary together (5 year olds- Kerri's class). I enjoy teaching with him so very much! He is awesome with the kids and they all love him - I was writing that about our primary kids but realized the same is true with our family. I could not ask for a better father for our children. He loves them! He takes good care of our family and is always doing something to make my life easier. A few months ago he put shelves above the new washer and dryer - that has been awesome and just recently he added a big shelf in the bathroom - yeah more room for girl stuff! I have such an awesome husband- I love him so much.
Life is not without challenge of course - lately I have been wondering if we all really agreed to what we experience in this life. I am assured that we did and that because we understood what earth life was really all about we also knew it would all be worth it. Wouldn't you like to meet that person you were in the pre-exsistance? To see, really see, who you are and what you are capable of? I think that would be a super interesting experience. Things are pretty good though I have a good job - one that i enjoy - and a great boss who purchased tickets for his employees and their spouses for an Eagles concert in May. That should be tons of fun expecially since I have never actually been to a concert before. A few up on campus but i'm not sure those count!
Well lunch is over and I need to get back to work - I promise to get pics up soon - well sometime anyway - thanks for reading our blog and caring about our family - hope you all have a great day!

I forgot to mention that we have a dog! The kids and I have been working on Barry for years to get one and he finally gave in. She is a mini pinscher that we adopted from the humane society. Her name is Lizzy and we just love her. The kids are all great about helping and playing with her. They are trying to teach her tricks and fun stuff like that. Stetson thinks she might be part kangaroo because she can jump so high. She is pretty much kennel trained already and potty trained so the hard work was done for us and we just get to enjoy her. She is about 7 months old and the perfect fit for our family - Thanks Barry!