Happy Birthday Rachel

It is truly amazing how fast a decade can go. Ten years ago this morning my sweet Rachel Linda Rice joined our family. She arrived to a very chaotic world - the day after the devastating 9-11 attacks on our country. I think her little soul must have been in turmoil too and in a great hurry to get to this earth because she came almost 4 weeks early. She made a grand entrance by trying to come out one foot first and then having a cord prolapse. She arrived via an emergency c-section - the fastest one on record for the hospital at that date. She spent a week in the NICU learning how to suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time. She also had chemical pneumonia from inhaling amniotic fluid during her traumatic birth. She was 6#7oz and 18 inches long - not to big and she has remained tiny at her 10 year well check she finally made it to 50# and is 491/2 inches tall. She still doesn't make it on the growth chart but is following her own little pattern. She she doesn't have in size she makes up for in heart - Rachel truly is one of the sweetest little girls I have ever known. She has loved animals I think since the day she was born and plans on being a veterinarian when she grows up. She is kind to everyone and doesn't have just one set of friends - her teachers have always complimented her on the fact that she will play with everyone. I think Kerri is her very best friend and I hope it stays that way forever and ever. I love this little girl very much and am so glad that she is my daughter - I feel honored to be her mother and hope she always knows how very much she is loved- love you Rachel Linda Rice!!

Cute Hair for a New School Year

This week we went to Evans hair school (because Ashley is a student there) to have hair do's for school. Cassidy has been dying to get her hair dyed! So she got a cute color and new style - she looks so amazing and so grown up - people keep telling her she looks like me and I take it as a compliment! Ammon also got his hair colored - it was a good trade off because he was willing to get a nice cut and style - he looks so handsome- Can you believe he is almost as tall as me? Rachel got small trim - she loves having long hair - and a feather extension. She is thinking she would like a perm too so we might just go back next week. Kerri got the cutest little perm you ever saw - I love it!

Learning to be Grateful

I am constantly amazed at the difficulties that we are asked to pass through. I see it everyday in my role as a nurse. So many people suffer things everyday. I have been blessed (or cursed) with a soft heart and I have a tendency to get attached to my patients. I have become friends with many of them and some I was friends with before they became my patient. Last week I had an experience I will never forget - although I wish I could. A good friend of mine (who also happens to be my patient) came into the office last week for a routine 34 week OB check. Up till then everything had been very good. At this appointment we discovered that her baby had passed away sometime the week before. I knew that when I became a nurse I would see sad things - I knew that I would have to be professional about it. I couldn't help but cry - in fact I excused myself for a few moments to try and gain some composure so that I might be some help to them. This person has such amazing faith and is dealing with this sad situation so well. She may not like Heavenly Fathers plan but she is accepting it. I have another patient whom I did not know before I came to work here. I have a soft spot for sweet little old men and they get wrapped into my heart pretty easily. This guy is kind of gruff and not always soft spoken. He can be pretty mean if you take what he says to heart. But its all surface - underneath he is just a big sweetheart and gives me a hug whenever he comes in- which won't be too often now - he is dying. I will miss him and its sad to see his family suffer with him until his time comes. I have another patient who had a baby a few months ago and would sometimes seem sad when she came into the office. A few weeks ago she came in for her 6 week check and at some point in the visit she broke down and admitted that her husband had cheated on her several times during her pregnancy. I was asked to visit with her and help in anyway I could - she was heartbroken and felt sure that she wasn't good enough and never would be. My heart broke for her. I have another paitent who in the space of a year lost two babies at around 22 weeks. She then adopted a sweet little girl and is expecting another son in about a month. She gets a sister for her little girl anyday now. We have sorrowed with her and also shared in her joy as God's plan isn't always a trial to endure. We have a sweet sweet little boy who is about 2 years old but the size of most 5 year olds. He loves me! He runs to me with open arms and I love him. We have a sweet little old lady who cusses up a storm and thinks nothing of calling me a "dumbass" and in the same sentence tells me how much she loves me and how glad she is that I am here. She probably won't be around much longer and the world will be a sadder place without her. When my friends baby died last week there was nothing I could do or say that would fix it but I sat by her as her husband held her while she cried and I think this is what it means when we promise to help carry each others burdens. We can't take them - we can't fix it for them - but we can be there and listen. I love my job - on so many levels. I love my patients, so many of them have changed my life for the better and make me want to be a better person and rise to their expectations. I love what I learn here - I am learning to be grateful for my trials, and if I can't be grateful quite yet to at least be willing to accept what might just be God's will for my life and be grateful for the trials that I don't have.

Pictures!

Sunday was a great day!

Almost 13 years ago I was working on reading the Book of Mormon for the first time by myself. I had read it with my family, in seminary, and of course at church but I had never taken the time to read it all the way through from cover to cover all by myself. My husband and I and our little daughter of about 7 months were living in Layton Utah and I was working with my wonderful bishop to get to the temple. He was helping me work through some things and had made the suggestion to read the scriptures daily. It was fun to mark my progress on my little chart each day and I was amazed as I read the stories I had heard my whole life and realize somehow for the first time that they really were real people - not just stories but journal entires - little peaks into the lives of an ancient people. I fell in love with this book (and it gets worse all the time!) As I read the story of Alma the younger and his friends Ammon, Aaron, Himni, and Omner - it seemed to call to me and assure me that I was not the only one who had made mistakes. I loved the story of thier sincere conversion and their desire to make right what had once been wrong. I loved how towards the end of the story they are describing Captain Moroni and it says that if all men were like him then satan would have no power - and then it says that he was a man likeunto Ammon - I love that.
Anyway - so I was going about minding my own business - happy for the most part with were I was at. I began having spiritual promptings that I had a strong spirit who wanted to join our family. I felt very strongly that his name was to be Ammon and he was ready. I almost laughed to myself and thought - but I already have a baby. We didn't think we were ready for another one - yet. But the same thought came a couple or times - my son was ready to come to earth - he was a strong spirit who had alot to accomplish and he was ready to get started.
A few weeks later a bout of flu hit our ward. Everyone was sick - but then they got better - and I didn't. I was still sick everyday and so so tired. I was still nursing Cassidy since she was only about 9 months old and I still hadn't had a period since she was born. I finally told Jerry that I either needed to go to the doctor because there was something wrong with me or I was pregnant. The next morning I took a test and there was that little pink line before it even got to the top. Early the next week I went to the doctor and they did an ultrasound since I didn't have any dates to track the due date with. They said I was about 12 weeks along and that I was due July 21st. I knew in my heart that this was my son.
Ammon's pregnancy wasn't a difficult one as far as pregnancies go - I was in a car accident a few weeks after our first appointment and a part of the placenta detached from the wall of the uterus. They were concerned that I would lose him - somehow I knew that I wouldn't - but I had an ultrasound each visit after that. It was fun to see him grow so much between appointments and I was not one bit surprised when they told me we would be having a boy.
We moved from Layton to Sugar City when I was about 37 weeks pregnant and so my doctor decided to induce me so that I wouldn't be making the drive while in labor. Early in the morning of July 12th my little sister Mary and I drove down to Layton. His dad who was working out of town flew in to meet us at the hospital. They started my induction about 8am in and Ammon made his entrance early in the afternoon. With Cassidy I was too afraid of needles to get an epidural but decided to chance it with Ammon. It was amazing! I laughed the whole time I was delivering him. The doctor laughed and said push or laugh its all the same to me. I only had to push through 3 contractions (instead of the 1 1/2 hours with Cass). Ammon was so alert when he was born and so so cute. Even in the delivery room you could see his dimples and the nurses just oohed and awwed over him. They laughed about him being a "real man" when he insisted on being nursed for about 1/2 and hour right then and there. He would just look at you with those big dark eyes - it was already pretty apparent that they would be brown. I thought he looked just like my dad or my brother Charlie. And he was Ammon right from the start. With Cassidy and the other girls after we called them "the baby" for several weeks - "the baby is hungry, the baby is so cute, look how sweet the baby is while she is sleeping" - but with Ammon he was just Ammon from day 1.
At the end of the day after Jerry had left to get some sleep and Mary had fallen asleep on the couch I remember - as if it was just yesterday - late in the night after waking up to nurse him. I was sitting in my hospital bed holding this little man and just admiring him. He was quite awake and looking at me as if he could hear all my thoughts. Again I felt his spirit - so strong. I could almost feel a little frustration on his part of being such a big spirit stuffed in a tiny little body. As I looked at him I could feel his desire to serve a mission and hold the priesthood. I have always always loved the priesthood and been so thankful that our loving Heavenly Father allows His power to be used here on earth. And I could tell that my little son had so so much to do here. I have been waiting (anxiously) for this little boy of mine to be 12 and recieve the priesthood ever since. When he was a little boy (2 & 3) he would ask "how much longer till I'm a grownup?" He has always been such a sweet boy - always with a hug for his momma. I love him so so very much. There is something about his spirit that speaks to mine and although I love having him young and feel like he is growing up way to fast - I am also excited to see what happens as he grows. He is my Ammon - It was so great to see hands laid upon his head and Sunday and the power of the priesthood bestowed upon him. Next week he will pass the sacrament for the first time. I get a little thrill in my heart everytime I see our Hayden passing and it will be great to see Ammon up there in his white shirt and tie. It's always amazing to have a dream come true - thank you Ammon for helping me with mine! I love you!

I promise to add pictures soon!

We love Nashville Tribute Band!

Our family loves the Nashville Tribute Band. They were back in Rexubrg this week to celebrate their new album The Work which is a tribute to missionaries. If you have never heard of these guys they are a group of LDS Country Singer/Songwriters from Nashville who back in like 2005 got together and put together a Tribute to Joseph the Prophet - it was/is amazing. Since then they have done a tribute to the Pioneers and now to missionaries. Three members of the band are also a up and coming country group called Due West - they are awesome. My kids can all sing most of the songs from the first two CD's by heart - it was such a fun night. They will be back in Rexburg as Due West on the 13th of September and I can't wait to see them again!

Some great quotes I have found lately!

I'm sure you have all heard the poem about the man walking along the beach with the Lord looking at his life and at some point he notices that there are only one set of footprints during the hardest parts of his life. He asks God why this is and wonders why God would have left him alone when he was struggling the hardest. God answers that there are only one set of footprints not because he has been left along but because these were the times when God carried him.

I have always loved this story. I have known times in my life (like everyone else) when I knew without a doubt that I was being carried. Sometimes these times are easier to see with time - looking back you can see more clearly the help you received. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest in my life. I want to thank those who have prayed and fasted for our family. I have felt my burdens lifted. They are still heavy but I am bearing them. I have also come to realize - through the stories of others (thank you Bryce Holman for your mission story!and many others such as my patients whose lives are amazing) that the impossible can happen and just because we don't understand how it can happen that it will. My favorite scripture is still the one listed on our blog - With God nothing is impossible - it is true and I am relying heavily on that promise.

For those of you who may not know what is going on - just know that divorce -even when necessary- often come back to bite especially when you have kids. I don't think there is a limit on how many prayers you are allowed in your favor so I welcome all prayers that God's will will be done and that I can accept it whatever it may be. The following are some quotes that I have heard recently that give me hope!

• Elder Orson F Whitney - "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, build up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil, and tribulation, that we gain the education we came here to acquire"


• Elder David A Bednar - "You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However we do determine how we will act."


• Elder Richard G Scott: "Keep perspective. When you have done all that you can reasonably do, rest the burden in the hands of the Lord and worry no more. The Lord opens doors of opportunity and provides the strength each of us needs at difficult times in our life. He entreats us to love his Son that we may be comforted and strengthened."


• Elder Lionel Kendrick - "We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. When we place blame for our actions on others or circumstances that we find ourselves in, we can never gain the strength to change."


• Author unknown - "God can heal a broken hear, but you have to give Him all the pieces."


• Elder Jeffrey R Holland - "Christ is saying to us 'If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness..I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls' My beloved friends, I know of no other way for us to succeed or to be safe amid life's many pitfalls and problems."


• Elder David A Bednar - "There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first. you and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, 'No one understands. No one knows' But the Son of God perfectly knows and understand, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch and succor --literally run to us-- and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power."


• Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf - "Hope encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father. Hope is not knowledge but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. With hope we can have patience, and bear our afflictions. The things we hope in sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow."


• Elder Joseph R Holland - "I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in Sprite, 'come unto me' He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way. He is saying to us, 'Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. I will lead you our of darkness; I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.'"

Life these days

I think life will never cease to amaze me. Let me just say upfront that I think my life is incredible. I love it. I have many many blessings and know that I have much to be thankful for. Fathers Day was great - we had all 5 of Barry's kids with us - which with the way things have gone the last few months to have all of them was truly a miracle to us. We loved it! We made tinfoil dinners for Sunday dinner in honor of Barry and how much he enjoys camping. Hayden and Treyton also invited him on a "date" Friday night for dinner and a movie for just the 3 of them and the boys paid for all of it - so sweet. Savannah and I got up early on Sunday and made breakfast (something Barry usually does) - it was a good time. I hope Barry knows how very very much I appreciate him as the father in our family.
Ok here comes the other side - the life isn't quite perfect side. I have a firm belief that life is not supposed to be easy - that isn't what we came to this earth for. However I can't believe how frustrating it can be sometimes. I have been working at having faith recently. Working on a daily basis to apply the faith that I know my heart has and become willing to have my will be His will. To want what it is that God wants for me in my life and to believe with all my heart that it is the best. I do have a testimony of this. A strong and powerful testimony - so why do I waver? For the past 5-6 years this testimony has grown my leaps and bounds as I have seen the power of trusting God in my life. There have been so many times in my life that it is almost unbelievable how much I have been blessed. There have been times where I have felt like Ammon, Alma, and the other sons of Mosiah when I am "carried away" in the boasting of my Father in Heaven and in His power.
So then my question becomes - why - why do I still struggle with having faith in the Lord's plan. I know that He loves me - I know that He loves my children - even more then I do. I believe, trust, and have faith in that He knows what I need and has the power to create whatever that is in my life. Right now I have truly entrusted my children to His care. Sending them to Texas is so difficult for me. But this year (due to many circumstances beyond my control) it was especially difficult. It is hard when the Spirit directs you to do something that so many others are telling you is a bad idea. I'll be honest there are moments in life where I really haven't liked what the Lord's will was for me. There are times when I question where His plan is leading me. But as I look back over my life I see that no matter how hard - it is always worth it in the end - to follow His lead. So right now I am trying to do that - clinging to that rod of iron with all that I have - praying that the winds and chaffs that Satan sends my way will not blow me off course.
Heavenly Father does answer prayers.
Last weekend when my children were picked up Saturday afternoon to go to Texas was, like I have mentioned, particularly difficult for me. Whenever we stay with Bryan and Romina (Barry's brother) we go to church with them. They attend a spanish ward and so it is sometimes difficult because I can't understand what is being said. That Sunday morning as I knelt by my bed I reminded the Lord that it had been a hard weekend for me and I asked Him to touch my heart that I might be able to understand what was being said and that I would hear a message of comfort. Imagine my wonderful surprise when they announced in Sacrament Meeting that for the first time they had translation capability and they passed out headphones so that we could understand the talks! Wow! Each talk given was wonderful but the last given my a young missionary touched my soul. He talked of being born in Mexico but moving to Layton Utah as a young man. He talked of his long desire to serve a mission. He expressed his surprise, frustration, and disappointment that came with his call to Provo Utah just miles from his home. He talked of the difficulty of not only accepting but embracing God will and being willing to carry that out. He then expressed the that his mission had been in his life. He talked about how it the scriptures we are told that it is not God's plan but man's that is frustrated. I felt his words in my heart as much as I heard them in my ears. I knew the Lord was using him as a mouthpiece to help remind me that - God's will - not My will needs to be done. In my limited human understanding I cannot always know what that is.
This past week has been no less stressful as Satan's winds seem to come from all sides when we are doing our best to follow God's counsel. I have found myself frustrated and hard in my heart. I have come to realize that when I am feeling this way it is much much harder for me to hear the whisperings of the spirit. This Sunday (yesterday) we had stake conference. Once again Sunday morning found me on my knees asking the Lord to soften my heart and send me a message in the messages spoken. The entire meeting was centered on Faith in God. The first talk was given my the 2nd counselor in the stake presidency. It was amazing. I ended up asking him for a copy of his talk and he emailed it to me. I have reread it today. Having faith that the Lord knows our needs - and that sincere faith comes when we continue to have faith even when God's plan is different then our own. I'm not at all sure where this will all lead. Another speaker (can't remember if it was the Stake president or his 1st counselor) said that when we experience trials that are not brought on us by our own sins then it is the Lord's way of strengthening and stretching us for greater blessings and trials. The first talk ended with a quote from Brigham Young which says "God never bestows upon his people, or upon an individual superior blessings without a sever trial to prove them". Thats amazing and scary all at the same time - I want the blessings which means I have to have faith through my trials.

Primary' Children's again

So Cassidy had her eye surgery yesterday. They called on Thursday and let us know that we didn't have to be to the hospital until 4:15 and the surgery was scheduled to start at 6pm. The plan was to be there for about 1-2 hours after then head back to Bryan and Romina's for a visit. It didn't quite turn out so simple. Apparently Cass has a difficult time keeping her oxygen levels up after anesthesia. She has a similar problem in December but we figured it was more from the chest tubes then the anesthesia - apparently not. Her O2 would drop down into the low 80's and high 70's - not great - every time she dropped off to sleep. So about 11:30 they told us that she would not be going home for the evening. We spent a pretty restless night but we were finally released at around 10:30 this morning and we are all here hanging out with Bryan and Romina. I sure love my Casssidy and sure hope that we are done with surgery for her for a while. Shes a tough one though and has been mostly patient with this whole process.

Lesson's from Primary

"I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I know who I am, I know God's plan I'll follow Him in Faith.

I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ. I'll honor His name.

I'll do what is right, I'll follow His light. His truth I will proclaim."

One of the kids chose to sing this today in primary as their favorite song. As they were singing the Spirit reminded me that this is true. I do know who I am - I know God's plan. And I want to follow Him in faith. Most of the time I think my faith is pretty strong - but sometimes I really struggle. I'm not always sure what part is mine and what part I should leave to God. I get confused on how to give my burdens to God and yet still do my part. I love the simple messages we get in the primary music. I love being in primary and the messages that my Father in Heaven sends me.

Gratitude Day 8

Sometimes I am thankful for not really unanswered but prayers that are not answered in the way I thought I wanted.

Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

CHORUS:
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
Inn her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thankedd the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

CHORUS

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Garth Brook

Gratitude Day 7

I am grateful for the patients I work with that make me laugh every day. We have some pretty funny patients - some a little strange - and some a little stranger - but seriously I love them. I love my job and a great deal of that is because of the people that I get to meet. Because this area isn't that large and we are a pretty small doctors office we get to know our patients pretty well. I have a avoided blogging about them because of HIPPA and all that crazy stuff but am thinking that if I don't tell names it should be ok. Seriously I have had some pretty funny experiences. We have this one patient who has since moved on to a new doctor since moving into a care facility and I miss her like crazy. I wish I could describe her to you - she used to call 2-3 times per week and it was always always hilarious. She was in in late 60's and I would say she has probably never been completely normal - like she has asbergers or something of that nature. She has a deep southern accent. For the sake of a HIPPA violation lets just call her Jo(obviously not her real name!). Here's a typical phone call from Jo.

Me- "Dr. Hopkin's office - this is Karin - how can I help you?"

Jo - "Hello - my name is Jo and I'm a patient of Dr. Hopkin" - Seriously without fail every time she called no matter how long she had been our patient!

Me -" Well good afternoon Jo - what can I do for you today" -

Jo - "Well you know its been pretty nice the last few days and since I don't have a whole lot of money I decided to walk down to the senior center for lunch. I got there about 10:30 ya know i don't walk real fast so it takes me about 1/2 an hour to walk there. Then I played some games with some of the other folks down there and then lunch was served about noon. We had Shepard's pie - ya know the stuff with beans and mashed potatoes and gravy and cheese on the top? Well we had salad too and some kind of fruit which I didn't eat and dessert. Well I was gettin' kind of tired at this point so I decided that even thought I don't have alot of money that I would take the cart bus home. While I was on the bus the veins in my neck started to hurt a little - now what ingredient in that Sheppard's pie was it that you think might have made the veins in my neck hurt?" - keep in mind that she barely took a breath before she said all of this.

Me - silence - "um - well - actually I don't really know if there is anything in Shepard's pie that would cause that - can you tell me a little more about the pain?"

Jo - "Well - you know - it's just a pain that I feel in my veins - in my neck - haven't you ever felt that way?" - well no!

Me - "Would you like to come in a talk to the Dr. about it?"

Jo- "Well no, it's gone now I was just wonderin' if there was something in that pie that might have caused it. I'll let you know if it happens again. Bye now."

Another Jo call -

Jo - "Hello, My name is Jo and I'm a patient of Dr. Hopkin."

Me - Well hello there Jo - what can I do for this morning?"

Jo- "This morning I walked down to Broulim's to do some shopping and I walked around for quite a while while I as there thinking I could get some exercise while I was out and about. Ya know I don't really have that much money - so I usually only ride the cart bus one way. So I did my shopping and I bought me some tuna fish. Since I don't have a can opener I buy the kind that comes in a bag- have you ever seen that? Well then on my way home I got kind of hungry so I just opened that tuna fish right up and ate it right there on the bus. I had been home about 20 minutes when I started to feel nauseated. - Now do you think I feel that way because I ate that tuna fish with my fingers?"

Jo again -

Jo - "Good mornin' My name is Jo and I'm a patient of Dr. Hopkin - this morning while I was on the bus ridin' to see my physical therapist I was sitting by this young lady. She and I got talkin' and she told me that she was a nurse. And she said that if I would just drink a glass of orange juice every mornin' that I could cure my diabetes - do you think that might be true - ?"

I swear she always sat by some young lady who claimed to be nurse and was always telling her some weird thing - never true things - One day she came in just paranoid that she had tuberculosis. She said someone she knew a long time ago had it and now she just couldn't quite coughing and she was sure she had it. We tested her pretty much to humor her but to our surprise of all the patients to test positive it would have to be Jo. She had her return visit and we scheduled her with the District office in Idaho Falls where all TB patients are sent and called it good. A few days later of course I get a phone call-

Jo - Good Mornin' my name is Jo and I'm a patient of Dr. Hopkin"

Me - How are you today Jo"

Jo - "Well let me tell you. I was ridin' the cart bus this mornin. Ya know it's been real nice the last few days but even though I don't have a whole lot of money I decided I would ride the bus down to the senior center for lunch - well I sat by the real nice young lady. We got to talkin' and since she told me she was a nurse I decided to tell her about my Tuberculosis - well she told me that maybe I tested positive because of how you tested me - do you think I might have tested positive because of the angle with which you used to put that needle into my arm?"

Seriously she was so funny - but she was alway very serious about her questions and you always had to come up with something to tell her.

We have other funny things happen and sometime I might just tell you a little more about them but today I have been thinking about Jo and wondering what she might be up to. I miss her! And I am so glad she helped me find reasons to laugh.

Gratitude Day 6

I'm not sure how to say this without sounding wrong but I am grateful for the trials of others. Not that I want others to have trials or that I am glad that they do - however often I see the trials of others and I am so grateful that I don't have that same trial and it makes me somehow more grateful for the trials that I do have. Does that make sense? I have often been told that I should be grateful for my trials - because of what you learn from them but it is a hard thing for me. It sometimes takes years for me to be grateful for what I have learned and even then its not as much gratitude for the trial but for the blessings I gained from it. For example I am not really grateful for the trial of having gone through the heartache of a divorce and yet because of that I have Barry and I am so glad that he is in my life. I am so glad that I get to share his life and his children and that he takes care of my children. In my job I see so many who have suffered so much in their life. I meet people everyday who I would never want to trade places with. And it makes me so glad that I have the life I have even with it's difficulties and troubles along the way. I am grateful to a Heavenly Father who knows what we can handle - or at least sends us what we need in order to handle what we are given. I am grateful to know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and cares about my life and lifts me through my trials and blesses me far beyond my worthiness to receive.

Gratitude Day 5

Can I just say how glad I am for a warm house? I think being cold might be my least favorite thing in the whole world. I just don't like the cold at all and this morning boy was it ever cold. -23 according to my car and my poor husband drove car that still has no heat - sorry my love! I am always cold when I first get into bed and last night was no exception - I am the one hogging the blankets and adding more blankets and huddling up to Barry to stay warm - he on the other hand would rather have a cool bed room and freezing feet. He is sweet enough to hold me till I go to sleep - our bed was toasty warm at 4:40 this morning when his alarm went off - the kids were happy to not go to school today and I am happy to know that my house will be nice and warm when I get home.

Gratitude Day 4

Today I am grateful for a car that runs. I have had times in my life when my vehicle was less then reliable. These days I am blessed with running cars and a spouse who keeps them that way. Last year I drove our little toyota that doesn't have much heat to speak of - not fun. This year I get to drive the nice car and I love the heat that flows from the dash. With my upcoming trip to SLC with Cass it will be nice to have a car that functions well and has a nice radio. Glad I am not driving a horse and buggy!

Gratitude Day 3

Today I am grateful for prayer. I have had many many prayers answered my life time. Not all the answers I thought I wanted at the time but over time I have discovered that my Father in Heaven truly does know what is best for me. I have to admit that there have been times (and I'm certain there are still more to come) when I thought that what I was experiencing was more perhaps then even my Father in Heaven could handle - how wrong I was. I am constantly amazed at what my God thinks I can handle. The thing that is most amazing is how much help He gives me when I ask. Its not always the help I expect or that I want but eventually it always comes. I have been struggling for the past year with some emotional/spiritual things that have caused me to seclude myself from most of my friends and even family. I have realized recently that this is probably not my best mode of action and am trying to rectify it but that seems to be a work in progress. I have been amazed in the last few weeks as I have more throughly gone about turning things over to the Lord and pouring my heart out in prayer that things are getting better. I have difficult days still but it is getting better and I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who listens to his daughter.

Gratitude Day 2

Today I am grateful for my job. Now I would like to say right up front that I wish I didn't have to work or that I could work shorter days so that I could be home with my kids - but with that said I love my job. I have wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember but for years I did not think I was capable of not only the schooling but the job in and of itself. School was an amazing, scary, overwhelming, wonderful, difficult, stressful, fantastic, etc......time for me. I loved it, hated it, couldn't wait for it to be over, and then it was and I had to find a job! I had always thought I would work in OB delivering babies but Barry and I agreed that 12 hour shift did not work with our schedule. We also realized that if I was working nights, weekends, and holidays that I wouldn't get much time to bond with his children. I was so blessed to find the job that I have. Yes it pays less then hospital nurses but it really couldn't be more perfect for our family. I count it a blessing everyday to work where I do. The benefits to my family are amazing and my job is almost no stress - most days I would say it was the least stressful part of my life. I love the people I work with they are like my 2nd family and my boss is amazing. So like I said whereas I wish I could be home more with the kids - I am grateful for the job I have.

Gratitude Journal Day 1

I have a goal for our Relief Society University to record 30 days of gratitude - so this is day one -

Today I am grateful for my family. The family I was raised in, my extended family, my work family, and especially my own husband and the family that we are raising now. Whereas Barry and I's family situation is not unique there are some unique aspects to it and I am constantly surprised by our children and certain aspects of raising a combined family. I am so grateful to have Barry in my life. My children love him and I love him. We have great children. Heres a quick rundown of them for those of you who get behind.

Stetson - 17 - Stetson is a junior at Sugar and enjoys wrestling. I am looking forward to state again this year. Last night he was so sweet with Emma (his little sister w/ his mom) while we were ice skating for family home evening and as soon as he sends me the pictures he took on his phone I will post a few of those.

Justin - 15 - Justin is a Freshman at Bonneville and also enjoys wrestling. It is fun to go see him wrestle and we are also looking forward to state with him. It will be interesting to keep up with both of them and cheer for two schools but thats the way we roll! We don't get to see Justin as often as we would like but enjoy it when we do.

Cassidy - 13 - Cass is in the 7th grade and Jr. High here in Sugar. She had major surgery in December and I can't believe how well she is recovering. It really is a miracle how well she is doing. It has hardly slowed her down. We go back in a week or so for follow up and then she has her eye surgery in April. I can't believe how quickly she is growing up.

Hayden - 12 - Hayden is also here in Sugar 6th grade and just turned 12 in November. It is awesome to watch him pass the Sacrament and know that he holds a small portion of God's power. I have really enjoyed having him in our home and find myself enjoying doing homework with him. The top bunk in his room is like a memorial to all the things he has built with his kenex - he is pretty talented.

Ammon - 11 - Ammon is living in Texas with his dad and is in the 5th grade. I have missed him so much and am looking forward to the summer when we plan on having him back. We got to have him for a week at Christmas and that was pretty fantastic. He is doing well in school and enjoying spending some time with his dad. I miss you buddy!

Treyton - 11 - Treyton is also in the 5th grade but he is attending Ucon Elementary. It was fun when we get them for the weekend and see the difference in the boys personalities. There is less then a year between the three of them and I think we could be in for an interesting time when they are all teenagers.

Rachel - 9 - Rachel is in 3rd grade and she really enjoys school this year. I have seen alot of growing emotionally in Rachel this past year and it makes me a little sad that she isn't my little tiny girl anymore. She is a great big sister and takes good care of Kerri - they like to walk home from school occasionally and she enjoys knowing she is "in charge" of Kerri. She has always had an extra portion of love for all animals and has been known recently to make a "house" complete with food in order to save the mouse we were all trying to exterminate from our home recently. She really is a sweetheart.

Savannah - 8 - Savannah is also in 3rd grade in Ucon. I think one of her biggest frustrations in life is being younger the Rachel even if it is only by a few months. Savannah is really enjoying dance this year and I am excited to go see her - Barry has been to her performance but often we have to divide and conquer and I am excited for my turn to see her it is something she really has a natural talent for and you can see how much fun she is having.

Kerri - 6 - and certainly not least but last of all is Kerri. She is in kindergarten this year and doing really well. It was a difficult choice for me to have her repeat kindergarten this year but I can tell that it was the best choice. She loves learning this year and it is fun to have her read to me from the little books they send home. Kerri is my baby and I probably treat her more so then I should but she is growing up despite me. She and Rachel got a DS for Christmas and it has been hilarious to watch her concentration as she plays - love it.

Barry and I - this has been kind of a crazy year for Barry and I but I don't think it will be the last one. I think like just gets crazier as our kids grow up and have more activities. I have really enjoyed having him home more this winter as he isn't working up at Kelly's - I know the kids have missed going but I think the sacrifice has been worth the time - especially with him being able to go to wrestling tournaments and things like that. I am grateful everyday to have him for my husband and will post more about that when he is my gratitude for the day. I am grateful for my family - on all sides and also know I can never repay or be grateful enough for all that is done for us. We are indeed blessed in the area of family and we know it - we love you all.